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When parents seek to help their child
cope with fears, they need above all to have an accepting attitude that
enables them to watch, listen, and wait. There is no point in saying
“There is nothing to be afraid of" without knowing what is behind the
fear. Parents can help their child by:
How Parents Could Cope With Children Anxiety and
Fear
1. Explaining the situation.
You can tell your child what is happening, answer his objections, and
give him a clear idea of the events. Children seem to know that things
are all right when their parents think so. Parents need to be realistic
in explaining every situation. They can say that there is no need to be
afraid of the puppy, but it will be difficult to convince the child
that "dogs don't do any harm" because this is not always true.
2. Setting an example of calmness. For example, you can
look at lightning and wait with a smile for the thunder that follows
it, thus reassuring your child of the foreseen and natural event.
3. Encouraging talk about your child's feelings. You can
tell your child that fears are natural and that everyone is afraid of
something at some time. You can help your child distinguish between
what is real and what is imagined. If a three-year-old thinks there is
a bear in the closet, he needs to be shown that there is no bear
instead of being told that the parent is going to drive the bear out.
4. Trying to effect "positive reconditioning by replacing
the feared stimulus with an attractive one}. For instance, you can give
your child a cookie or pet his head when he is looking at a dog,
gradually bringing him closer to it.
5. Limiting exposure that can cause fear or threaten danger.
A firm hand on the television switch is needed when a program depicts
violence of any sort.
Dealing with Specific Fears
1. Fear of animals. Growing
up with a pet will help a child come to understand that there is
nothing to be afraid of. Watching animals, explaining to him how they
live, what they eat, going to the Zoo -- all these can be of help.
2. Fears about the body. You can assume that the doctor's
periodic checkups of your child's development will help keep her in
good health. Do not be over concerned about his health and do not be
too anxious when he feels a little under par.
3. Anxiety due to separation. Always help and encourage
your child to do those things that he can and should do by himself. You
should tell your child when you have to go out and let him know when
you expect to return. Although parents should not surrender to their
child's dependence, they need to respect his need for reassurance.
4. Nightmares. If nightmares occur frequently, it may
mean that the child is wrestling with upsetting feelings. These may
stem from her developmental stage or from outside events, such as
moving to another house or the birth of a new baby. Usually turning on
the light to let your child see that he is in a familiar place is
enough to calm him. A night light should prove helpful. You can talk
with your child a little to help him forget the frightening dream. If
nightmares persist for a long time, your pediatrician's advice can also
be useful.
5. Fear of death. The very young child's first exposure
to death may be seeing some dead insects or a deceased animal. His
reaction is calm and casual. In answer to the question of how parents
can cope with their child's fear of death, you can always tell your
child that "The only honest thing you can say is that everybody dies
sooner or later, but that the parents have no expectation of dying in
the near future and that there is no reason a healthy child like yours
shouldn't live a long time.”
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