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All of us have times of fearfulness
and/or anxiety. Since a child's understanding is limited and his
imagination vivid, he distorts and magnifies things. Therefore, he has
more fears than adults. All children develop some fears. Parents need
to teach their children that some fears are real and understandable.
The challenge and long-range goal of any parents is to bring up a child
who is neither fearless to the point of foolhardiness, nor so fearful
as to be emotionally crippled. Parents are in a position to offer
loving assurance and sometimes to encourage the child to explore a
feared object, and find out that it is harmless. Isolated fears in a
child who generally enjoys life are not anything to be concerned about.
Negative Methods That Increase Fears
1. Fear as a method of
discipline
We are acquainted with the following
threats: "If you don't take your medicine the doctor will have to give
you a shot." "If you don't behave, the police officer will come and get
you." With such threats, the parents cause the child unnatural dread of
persons, things, or occurrences.
2. Severe
punishments
When parents use harsh punishments and threats as, a regular part of
their discipline, their child tends to harbor intense anger and a wish
for revenge. These feelings trigger fear because they conflict with the
child’s need to depend upon the parents and to be loved by them.
3. Excessive
expectations
A child may develop fear of failure when he knows his parents expect
too much from him. He may refuse to learn to ride a bicycle or climb to
the top of a jungle gym because he fears his accomplishments will not
come up to the standards set by his parents.
4.
Over-protectiveness
If a child is kept overly dependent upon parents who come to his
"rescue" every time and panic whenever he cries, he will lose important
opportunities to develop confidence in his own capacities and to
overcome any fears he may have.
5.
Over-permissiveness
Very young children have powerful wishes and desires that they cannot
yet control. Sometimes parents make little or no effort to limit the
behavior of their children. They give up their position as authorities
“to keep the peace" and that causes their offspring to feel out of
control, which increases their fears.
Negative Ways of Dealing with Existent Fears
1. Forcing the
child into the feared situation
When this is done before the child is mature enough to understand the
situation and to handle it, it merely increases his fear. We often,
hear of a father urging his son to fight back when bullied by a
neighborhood playmate or forcing him to approach a barking dog. Both
are negative approaches.
2. Ridiculing or punishing a child for being
afraid
Parents may see their child's fear as a sign of weakness and say “A big
boy like you shouldn't be afraid of the dark. Even little Mary isn't
afraid." Parents may even become angry with their child, which will
cause him to deny his fears, but will not help him overcome them.
3. Constantly ignoring fears
When parents remain unaware of their child's fears or are indifferent
to them, the fears tend to pile up because the child has not received
the reassurance he may require to help him understand new things.
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