|
The use of praise and other social
rewards such as smiles and hugs should not be reserved for
exceptionally good behavior or outstanding performances only. You can
praise your children when they play quietly without fighting with each
other or do chores without complaining, though these circumstances may
seem ‘routine and appropriate’ to you. Research has indicated that
praise your children appropriately can actually lead to a marked
reduction in misbehavior.
Praises are unlike tangible rewards, you can provide your children with
almost infinite supply of praise. All that is required from a parent
would be just a simple statement such as “I like the way you are
sharing and playing quietly, what a good boy!” or a well-timed hug.
Encourage and praise your children to:
1. Guide children through the many small steps it
takes to achieve a goal
Parents often save their praise for
something that is really worth praising such as a good grade in the
exam, with the intention to help the child reach for the top. The truth
is that no one achieves perfection without going through the many steps
along the way. Parents should instead focus on praising the gradual
process of trying to achieve, not just the achievement. Notice when
your child shares, talks politely, complies with a request or does
chores; catch these moments of your child being good and praise him,
and you will be motivating him and shaping his behavior in the desired
direction.
2. Help them develop a positive self-esteem
Children who receive a lot of praise from
their parents develop increased self-esteem. Research shows that these
children who receive frequent positive messages from their parents tend
to give positive statements to others around them as well and this in
turn make them popular among their peers and get in return many
positive statements from others. When these children receive a high
frequency of positive statements from their parents and others around
them, they are more likely to internalized this form of positive
thinking and utilize it to bolster their own confidence. The reverse is
also true; children will model their parents’ behavior if their parents
are negative and critical.
3. Reinforce good behaviors
It is unrealistic to expect a child to
perform without praise or social rewards. Parents need to understand
that the only way a child learns to engage in a favorable behavior is
by having that behavior reinforced. If the child realized that his good
behavior is being noticed by the parents, it is more likely that he
will repeat and expand the same good behavior again. However, if this
good behavior is ignored, it is less likely to occur in the future.
Parents must remember that never take good behavior for granted or it
will soon disappear.
Children are rarely spoiled by praise, nor do they learn to work only
for external rewards. In fact, it is those children who work only for
rewards tend to be those who receive little or no praise from their
parents. As a result, they need it so desperately that they learn to
demand for it before complying with their parents’ requests. So, don’t
worry about how you are giving positive statement, simply give
encouragement and praise as frequently as you see the positive
behavior. Encourage and praise your children often; and you will find
that using social rewards such as praise has a dramatic impact on their
children’s behavior.
|
