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Misbehavior may have a specific reason at
its root. As a parent, you will also need to acknowledge the underlying
emotions, and not the misbehavior per se.
Misbehavior is basically a reflection of your child's intentions. He
might just be seeking your attention. Alternatively, he may be
expressing frustration and anger - whether it be due to a failed task
or just wanting to get back at you. Misbehavior may also be a form of
power struggle, where your child is testing the limits of his
independence.
When dealing with child behavior issues, it is always good practice to
ignore bad behavior while rewarding good behavior with praises and
occasional tokens. Stay calm at all times to avoid escalating anger. Be
consistent with your rules and in upholding them. Set clearly defined
do's and don'ts, as well as what will happen as a consequence of
misbehavior. This will help set limits to behavior.
Below are some parenting tips on cultivating positive behavior in your
child.
Communicating with Your Child
It is best to keep things clear and
concise. Use language that a child can understand, and it is a good
idea to get the child to repeat what has been said back to you. Avoid
sarcasm and criticism, and make sure that communication of emotions is
consistent with your facial expression to avoid confusion.
When communicating with your child, it's a good idea to use reflective
questions that can give you indications of what is going on. For
example, say: "I'm not sure what makes you so grumpy today" rather than
"Stop being so grumpy". Prompts can also help with trying to make your
child communicate his/her feelings. Try words such as: "You look so
upset, is that what you feel right now?"
An important part of the communication process with a child is the
sharing of emotions. For example, share feelings with your child with
sentences such as: "it's okay to cry/feel sad"; "Mummy is upset with
the mess you made"; "l feel proud you helped me tidy the living room".
The sharing process will help your child communicate emotions better
and thus leads to positive behavior. It also allows you as a parent to
express your love better to your child.
Building Self-Esteem
Self-esteem is an important component of
a healthy personality and positive child behavior. Always give
encouragement to your child. Be positive in your encouragement. Do not
say "Can't you do anything right?" Instead, use words like "Good try."
It will make a world of difference to your child's self esteem.
You may want to give your child certain responsibilities to help with
the household. When you do, be patient and let your child finish his
tasks. You can assist in the task but not take over it. Always have
realistic expectations of the ability of your child and never compare
your child with others; your child has his or her own strengths and
needs.
Play is a way children express their emotions, and it shows the way
they see the world around them. So play with your child as often as you
can. Don't take over proceedings; let him lead the play. By observing
and accepting your child's wishes, you will come to understand his
temperament, interests and limitations better.
Choice and Respect
Choice and respect in a relationship
nurtures self-esteem and self-confidence. This is no different for your
child, and it helps towards cultivating positive behavior in your
child. Treat him with respect. This means you should respect his
belongings and privacy, and not do things (e.g. throwing away his old
toys) without negotiating with him, or making promises you know you
can't keep.
A part of cultivating choice and respect also involves letting your
child participate in some decision-making. This makes him feel wanted
and respected because his decisions do matter. But make him well aware
that decisions should not be made lightly and without any thought: he
has to be responsible for his decisions.
In essence, we should be mindful of building a secure attachment with
our children in early childhood as this forms the foundation for
trusting relationships in adulthood. It is a two way process, and one
which requires tremendous amounts of patience, love and understanding
from parents.
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